Constance Ore is a retired Teacher, Choir Director, and Organist. And a formidable cook.

September 10, 2010

Filed under: — Constance at 6:28 pm on Friday, September 10, 2010


What does this ending time feel like? To me, it is feeling sick most of the time, and that is accompanied by the great exhaustion. I weigh 116 pounds and I look very ill. When I saw myself in the morning recently, it made me cry. In visiting with the hospice nurse about how one would deal with getting pills into the system without eating I asked, “Do you mean one goes forward, consuming pills and water and nothing else?” She said “That’s right. . .we are now into ‘quality of life'” and that does mean trying to keep the suffering down”. This morning, feeling particularly morose, I breakfasted on a large quantity of pills and water. Doable, but not delightful. The question that hovers over the experience is “Why?” Those of us who go onward encased in our present bodies ask again and listen carefully. This query must surely be made by humanity all over the world but the answer will not be heard outside of eternity.


Days move forward with the summer’s end approaching. For our eyes, it announces itself through the lovely gatherings of dusty pink sedum and the sagging goldenrods that edge our space on every side. Cardinals and blue jays provide some color and the sound of the jay’s morning scolds is welcome after a summer season so rich with sound.


I determined to write a short poem for each day that I go forward. Sitting and waiting is too grim. Immediately, I find true poetry is not an easy thing, a fact that has been brought to my attention through vigorous paragraphs in books gotten from the library. Since there is no intent to wave the poems about, I will just write.


And yes, the conversation with God has gotten shrill at times; mostly though, the respite of music that bears beautiful text is always there, and comfort is found. and when one wants to shake a fist, the psalms provide many good words for outrage and fist-shakings.

13 Comments »

Comment by Mindy Werling

September 11, 2010 @ 2:56 pm

Dear Connie,
Mom read the following hymn lyrics to me the other day, and I want to pass them on to you. It is true that we must live one day at a time, but what a burden it can feel when the going is rough. I am so glad that you continue to enjoy the seasonal delights of Sanctuary, that you find pleasure in music, that your faith is true and strong, and that you are continuing your writing! I love poetry and the magic that can be created with just a few choice words arranged in a clever and beautiful way. Tonight at my Bible study with Mom, we will be listening to “A Time and a Purpose” — you know it well. I have the words typed in large print so that Mom can follow along. Lately, that song has been running through my mind often, and my thoughts always turn to you when I hear it! Yes, there is a time and a purpose for everything under heav’n!

DAY BY DAY

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Power;
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
Ever to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.

Connie, there will be triumph in heaven over our endurance of pain on earth! For then, our eyes will be opened and we will understand God’s perfect plan ….

A comforting prayer that Mom and I like is “Sit next to me, Jesus”. So, I pray, “Sit next to Connie, dear Jesus, and comfort and assure her of Your presence. Give her peaceful rest as she lives each day here, anticipating that wondrous day when You will lead her home!”

Love you much,
Mindy

Comment by Connilee Myers

September 11, 2010 @ 3:00 pm

Connie, you show such strength in continuing to write. “The Lord will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.” Is 33.6
I wish you comfort from your nurses & friends, the love of family and peace of God in these end times.

Comment by Irene Beethe

September 11, 2010 @ 5:07 pm

Dear Connie, Your words for all of us are precious indeed. We wish we could help carry you in a more tangible way. However, you are continually in our prayers and know that God hears every one of your conversations you have…although seemingly one-sided. You are loved by so many and know that our heavenly Father is surrounding you with His love and strong arms of comfort. With love to you and Charles tonight, Irene

Comment by Joyce Niedner Greene

September 12, 2010 @ 6:06 pm

I continue to hold you in prayer in these late days. I join you in fist-shaking with the psalms. Perhaps some wise music or seminary teacher will take that up as curriculum – so cathartic. Finally, forsake all mirrors but those most accurate – the eyes of the many who love you. I have no doubt that you have never been more beautiful to them that you are now.
Jesus Bless and keep you.
Joyce Niedner Greene

Comment by John Casey

September 12, 2010 @ 11:03 pm

Dear Connie

My thoughts and those of many others are with you today.

John Casey

Comment by Jenny Roebke

September 13, 2010 @ 7:16 am

Thank you for faith, hope and poetry. Reading your blog through these times gives me strength and courage. My prayers are with you and your family.

Comment by Peter Glawatz

September 13, 2010 @ 12:12 pm

It’s good to hear your voice. I for one would be quite interested to read your poems, should you choose to post them. May the comfort of Sanctuary, family, memories, pharmaceuticals and the strength of God be more than you require in these days.

My love and thoughts, Peter

Comment by Jack and Glennie

September 13, 2010 @ 12:57 pm

It hurts us to know that you and your fmaily are suffering. You continue to be our prayers.

Comment by Irene Beethe

September 13, 2010 @ 5:05 pm

Comment by Irene Beethe

September 11, 2010 @ 5:07 pm

Dear Connie, Your words for all of us are precious indeed. We wish we could help carry you in a more tangible way. However, you are continually in our prayers and know that God hears every one of your conversations you have…although seemingly one-sided. You are loved by so many and know that our heavenly Father is surrounding you with His love and strong arms of comfort. With love to you and Charles tonight, Irene

Comment by Charlyne Berens

September 13, 2010 @ 7:12 pm

O Lord, support us all the day long,
Until the shadows lengthen and the evening comes
And the busy world is hushed
And the fever of life is over and our work is done.
Then in thy mercy, grant us a safe lodging
And a holy rest
And peace at the last.
Amen.

An uncommonly wonderful prayer from The Book of Common Prayer

Comment by Ben

September 14, 2010 @ 12:39 am

Hi, Connie, and greetings from Suzhou, China!

I’ve just been catching up on your blog, and I am inspired by your grace and fortitude. I fondly remember your beautiful and idyllic home in Nebraska, which always struck me as an ideal artistic retreat. Happy 50th anniversary to you and Charles! True poetry is difficult indeed, but I remember reading a fine poem from your pen on this very blog a few months ago!

I’m currently doing an artistic retreat of my own at the True Color Museum in Suzhou (about a half hour train ride + a twenty minute cab ride from Shanghai). I’m about 2/3 through a 6-month artist residency here, working on some music and video projects. I just got back from a little tour of Germany with a trumpet player friend of mine about three weeks ago; you can hear one of our live shows on my web page, if you are so inclined. I’ve also been getting into
algorithmic video, which I am happy to share with you.

I pray God’s peace upon you and your family. Warm greetings to Charles and John-paul!

-Ben.

Comment by Tom Ramsey

September 14, 2010 @ 5:56 am

Another poignant reminder of life lived in the arms of Jesus Christ. That life is lived not without questions…not without shrillness and fist shakings…but it is a life where comfort is found in the Lord, especially for you in music. God’s blessings, dear friend…Jesus loves you…and so do I!…Tom

Comment by Lowell

October 9, 2010 @ 7:56 am

I remember when I first met Connie. It was at one of Mrs. Roose’s piano recitals in Charter Oak when she played Rachmaninoff’s Prelue in C-Sharp Minor. I was blown away by her talent. This recital must have been back in the late 40’s.

My condolences go to Charles and all the family.

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