May 5, 2009
The inner workings of my body continue to be a mystery. Without changing my behavior from days past, the morning comes when there is a feeling that somewhere within, a firewall has been breached by the disease. This morning was one of those, with queasiness, exhaustion and aches in all the moving parts. Alphie and I did the morning walk, and rather than the usual complete delight in all the splendors around, it was moving from place to place with inner admonitions. “Keep moving until you get to the walnut tree, then rest”. And so forth. I never quite know if a virus or germ has come past and been invited in, or if another victory for the “other side” is taking place. The blood reading today would indicate the breach rather than a virus, as the numbers are slipping rather than increasing even a tiny bit. Last week the oncologist expressed the possibility that the chemotherapy might bring up the counts, but so far, this is not happening.
On May 1, the wrens came, claiming territories all around Sanctuary. Today, the rose breasted grosbeak arrived, and also the swallows that build inside the porch. By now, the sounds of bird song here are varied, lively, and continuous throughout the daylight hours. Lilacs, dame’s rockets, wood violets, lily-of-the-valley and iris are all blooming now; aren’t those titles splendid? Their scents and sights are wonderful now.
This afternoon, Professor Ore came home with a spring to his step announcing that he had turned in his grades for the semester, thus concluding another season of teaching, and shortly thereafter, Yardman Ore came down the steps in jeans preparing to haul the crushed rock which he’d had delivered last week for the purpose of refreshing the driveway and the walks near the house. In between, Philosopher Ore sat down and sternly rebuked me for saying that I was in the demographic of the “elderly with chronic, incurable illnesses” as referred to in discussions about our health care systems. (That 80% of resources are spent on people such as myself, and that this is something that needs to be addressed). He did move me out of the “elderly” category very convincingly, and make me laugh in the process. C’est la vie.