November 3, 2009
With the time change, Alphie and I are once again able to walk about after sunrise and it is good. About two weeks ago, Alphie stepped in a fox hole while chasing after the deer just for the fun of it, and this time did the same injury to his right hind leg as he did a year ago to his left. It was back to the vet for surgery and getting new ligaments installed. He has a tidy line of stitches down the front of his knee, and so far, he has not been licking the spot overmuch. If he does, we will put a bandage over, and spray it with a material guaranteed to taste so dreadful that he will return his tongue to the inside of his mouth. He appears to enjoy the “invalid” treatment, having us transport him on the elevator most of the time rather than taking the stairs, and he improves daily.
With the arrival of November, I got out the museum catalogs to consider Christmas cards possibilities. Both Charles and I agreed that the cards selected should be about the birth of Christ rather than dancing snowmen, or cardinals in snow or skating children in old fashioned clothes or the like, “But not those 15th Century Fra Angelico Madonna and Child reproductions with fat babies, please” said dear Charles, thus eliminating about 90 percent of the cards that I had been contemplating. There is still plenty of time and this sort of activity is perfect for my present energy level.
Chronic illness in a failing body is a difficult thing. In a corner of my being there is a constantly wailing and wanting entity that is utterly weary of pain and lack of energy, so each new day requires a conscious effort to push it back behind a door that must be firmly closed and fortified with prayer, pills, and whatever else might be available. Sometimes it’s bright sunlight, or the words of a psalm, or lovely music that Charles plays, or happy stories about the children and grandchildren or Alphie nearby, looking soulful. All of the above are successful to differing degrees with some days better than others. Contentment, happiness, peace, well-being; all of these are defined and promised in countless venues with thousands of words dedicated to how a person might achieve such things, but one must go on within the frame that is uniquely one’s own, and life ultimately “is what it is”.