January 6, 2007
On January 6 a year ago, I experienced my first bone marrow aspiration at ten o’clock at night, and at that point it was just one of many indicators that were getting checked out. This reading would identify the illness that had announced itself on December 16, ’05. We hadn’t even said the word “cancer” at the time, and it would be several weeks before we could call it by its name. I didn’t begin the Vidaza until January 20, which would be the day that the entire treatment plan would be laid out, and the new pattern of life would begin. Today, on this Epiphany Day, I feel quite well, and delighted and astonished in equal measure that I am alive. My body was a good receiver of the Vidaza therapy and by June I was declared to be in remission. The learning curve was fairly extreme; now I have a good concept of life in the sphere of cancer. I can’t even count the injections that my body has received, nor the tests, nor the cost in dollars, nor the prayers of the communion of saints that accompanied the days and months of the past year. An entire frame of reference for living shifted; it is imperative that I go forward living each day for itself – there is a continual need to push back the shadows with thoughts of faith and hope and gratitude for the good gifts of God. Next week I begin the next round of chemotherapy with the understanding that as long as my body can tolerate it, this will be how we go forward.
Our Twelve days of Christmas were stellar because of the gathering of the beloved family; the children and grandchlldren continue to grow in wisdom for the former and stature for the latter and moments of perfect happiness were encapsulated in sounds of laughter and song. We suspended a Christmas tree upside down from the center of our living room because Charles says that it is good to keep the grandchildren a bit in wonder about how the grandparents do things. It also kept a lot of Christmas ornaments out of Alphie’s mouth. When our son arrived on Christmas Day, Alphie was tremendously excited at having another being in the house, but as time passed, you could tell that he thought it was a very fine idea to have more youth around. The grand daughters lavished attention upon him and he responded with ever increasing delight. Now it is just us again; at first he tracked soulfully around the rooms sniffing hopefully and looking for more socks and mittens and toy bits to carry about. Today he is mostly lying around and only half-heartedly looking for things to pick up that might generate a little excitement.