January 10, 2007
I didn’t start into the chemotherapy yesterday because of a cold sore on my mouth. It looks unfortunate, and when the oncologist saw it, he said the chemotherapy could not begin because it would take away immunities, and I could get the cold sore lesions all over my body. Aaagghhh! When we heard that, Heidi, Charles and I all sat there appalled at the concept. I am taking two large purple pills daily for a week after which I will resume the therapy. The medication is called Valtrex and Heidi commented that such a title could be used as a name in a science fiction novel. . . it does sound villainous to me also.
The word is that I will continue to do the chemotherapy as long as my body tolerates it and/or as long as it is effective. We asked about what not tolerating it might be like, and I gathered that you becomes so miserable you can’t go on. The oncologist said the worst thing would be if the Vidaza didn’t work any more; it could mean that there have been mutations of cells and the disease would begin to destroy the white blood cells again. How long into the future the balance I now enjoy is an unknown. He did say that he noted that I have been doing the math re. time between cycles, and that I have now moved myself up to 10 weeks instead of 8, and he respectfully requested that we go back to eight. Sigh. I cannot help but think about having this enemy living inside of my very structure, kept in check through the action of the medicine, but always there and waiting. . . perhaps this is why dealing with the disease is so often described as a battle.
There is still no snow in Sanctuary and near the streams small green plants are coming up through the soil in anticipation of early spring. This evening the weather forecast tells us that very cold winter weather is fast approaching from the north. The plants will quietly return to their posture of waiting and try again later in the season if indeed the snows and single digit temperatures come to stay for a while. Just recently, a red tail hawk has been visiting our inner yard almost every day. Yesterday it settled on top of the free standing bird feeder, and its size was equal to its perch. I tried to get a picture of this very incongruous sight, but I think my movements caused it to fly away. It launched with a few large wing beats and flew low, down the path and over the bridge.