October 9, 2007
Today was made memorable by the visit with my Oncologist in which the results of last week’s bone marrow aspiration were discussed. The news was not as fine as we hoped for; the percentage of blasts in the blood has advanced to 10% from a lovely 0.5% reading in May, 2006. At 20%, one crosses into AML territory, and once there, in this disease, death comes sooner rather than later. I have had a splendid summer and the month of September was stellar, so without discussion, Charles and I both thought that this must mean that improvement was surely taking place in those secret places in the bones. However, in the context of an analogy, the doctor said, “Even in the best laid cement, a crack appears at some point, and something grows there. . . this illness is constantly looking for ways around the chemotherapy, and sooner or later, it will find it.” Already, it has taken increased amounts of Neupogen to bring the white blood cell count back up, and that too has its limitations because it is forcing the body to make the cells. . . “like whipping the horses to pull the wagon as fast as they can. . .”
We asked for a frank discussion, and we agreed that we heard just about all we could absorb in one setting. The doctor said it is hard, because it is looking down a dark tunnel with no light at the end. As is, I will continue the Vidaza as before, perhaps shortening the time between the rounds of chemotherapy to four or five weeks, though again, it is not known what effect more frequent rounds will have. It is not known when/if my body will no longer respond to Vidaza. It is not known if/when the percentage of blasts will go up. The therapy gave me the good days with good blood counts, etc., so we will continue as before, and remember again that we must live in faith, and by the grace of God. It is always shocking to hear that your days are indeed numbered. As I took out the winter turtleneck shirts and corduroy trousers that I packed away in spring, I remembered thinking then that I might not be needing them again, but now they are back in the dresser drawers, and the summer clothes is packed into storage places for another season. So much is unknown in this new life!
This October 9th was a perfect 71.1 degree, sun drenched day; before the visit to the doctor’s office, I took Alphie around for his walk, and two red tailed hawks were sailing over the pasture calling to each other and appearing to be out and about just for the joy of it. After the visit to the doctor’s office, we went to the sporting goods store and found some very fine binoculars for me to use as I walk about. They are a birthday gift from Charles and are vastly superior to my present pair so I shall enjoy them greatly. “These come with a lifetime guarantee” the young man said very earnestly, and I thought, “Hmmm”, but then on the way home I considered that I too have a lifetime guarantee. Thanks be to God!