March 18, 2006
When the nurse called yesterday to tell me that the insurance had approved a tissue match search for me in pursuit of a stem cell transplant, I was taken aback. She then asked for my brother’s telephone number so she could call him to find out where to send the “kit” which would be used to type his blood and to see if he would be a possible donor. I had to tell her that I had not yet mentioned the possibility to my brother and therefore I would need her to call back at the beginning of next week. After hanging up the telephone, I realized that it was time to make some concrete choices about this possible action. We had talked at length about our impressions of the procedure, and about how the doctors had not softened the details of the possible outcomes. We were told that should I wish to pursue a stem cell transplant, it would be best to begin the preliminary work immediately, but on the other hand, the Vidaza therapy has not had enough time to show whether it is going to be effective. Now, after spending a good deal of time gathering information about the procedure and thinking very hard about how life would go forward if it were successful I have determined not to pursue the option. The family is in agreement with this decision.
The question that I have considered sounds like this: “Would I want to continue life on earth at any cost?” From my readings and from the doctor’s commentaries, it appears that a very high percentage of people continue life in misery, and no life goes on as it did before the disease became a reality. This is particularly true as age increases. I don’t know whether I will be content with this decision if or when I may be facing a shortened life because I closed off the option, but fortunately, the future rests In God’s hands, and I’d rather have it there than in any other place.