March 24, 2006
When I dutifully took deep breaths as instructed I began to cough again; and the nurse disappeared for a bit, returned and said, “The doctor says that we must continue the chemotherapy, but we are going to have to give you Cipro as a prophylactic.” “Oh” said I, (blink, blink) “I’m going to need a prophylactic?” Now in my life’s history I had only been introduced to that word in one context, and my poor brain was scrambling for meaning. While life has had its moments of spinning out of control, this was off the map. With a smile that indicated that she had an inkling about where my mind had gone, she continued, “Cipro is a broad spectrum antibiotic, and since we really can’t count on your white cells, we will give it to you as a preventive measure so you don’t end up with pneumonia.” Later, when I checked, the dictionary indicated that my previous knowledge of the word’s meaning was sadly in need of updating.
Cipro’s warnings of side effects covers several pages, and the nurse said the most common of these was becoming tired from taking it. I thought, “Ah, sweet Monday when I had energy!” I sent my thoughts toward the insides of my bones and gave a small lecture. “Just see what we are going through now, in addition to the chemical onslaught, now there is more to contend with. . . if you would just crank out some white blood cells, this wouldn’t have to happen.” Actually, I direct great sympathy to this mechanism in which I live; I know that it is doing the very best that it can with the resources with which it must work.
The mails continue to bring cards and letters with their fine messages of prayers and well wishes. One from a dear friend was illustrated with a fanciful winged creature, and she wrote inside, “May your journey into unknown spaces be carried on wings of love”. As I read their words of encouragement, I recall the people sending them on, and the house fills up with the sounds of their voices praying, encouraging, and cheerleading. It is wondrously comforting to know that we are not alone in this “journey into unknown spaces.”