March 26, 2006
When we were in the oncologist’s office, while waiting for the Vidaza to be mixed, we were in the waiting room, and sitting right across from us was a man who had a space carved out of the middle of his forehead, right between his eyes, about the size of an egg. It was sealed with a plaster of some sort which lined the indentation. We conversed with him and his wife in the usual generalities, and I tried very, very hard not to stare and quashed the voice in my head that was asking, “What sort of awful thing happened to your head?” or “I had no idea you could live with such a large indentation”. Now, I think it might have been better to figure out a way to make reference, but we were called to the chemo room before that happened. My Vidaza shots were given in the abdomen since the two arms had been “used” and were still very sore. This round of chemotherapy has been more painful around the injections, but my side effects are not bad at all.
Today, since Charles always is at church by 7:00 AM, Heidi got me and drove me to Lincoln for my fifth set of injections. From there we went to church, sitting in the corner of the balcony and trying to look as unwelcoming as possible. This is completely contrary to the whole experience, but no one came near, and it worked out well. It was pure pleasure to hear the music, sing the hymns, and be a part of the community of believers directly rather than through an electronic medium. In the prayers, I heard the pastor say, “We come, not as human beings having a spiritual experience but as spiritual beings having a human experience.” That phrase was particularly captivating to me as it invited moving out of the confines of the physical self into a much wider spectrum where bone marrow and white blood cells and immunities are no longer front and center. As Charles would say, “Onward and upward!”