Constance Ore is a retired Teacher, Choir Director, and Organist. And a formidable cook.

April 5, 2006

Filed under: — Constance at 7:48 pm on Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Spring was beautiful today – more meadow larks were singing, and the frog’s chorus coming from the wetland down by the huge cottonwood tree rang out over the pasture and into the woods. I had gone in early for the blood draw, and since last week’s reading had shown improvement, and I felt better than I had in the past, I was sure that this draw would signal the continuation of the beginning of a rally. This was not to be. All the counts went down, white blood cells, neutrophils, hemoglobin count, and platelets. By the time I got home I was crying, and I took Alphie for a walk across the bridge and pasture up into the woods. Instead of running off to check out scents as usual, Alphie walked very quietly right beside me listening to me as I asked, “Why do I cry. . . I am in no pain, this day is so fine, why do I cry?” By the time I finished the 23rd psalm I had come to the west edge of the woods where we watched two hawks sailing overhead and I was calm again. I believe that the dog’s changed behavior in response to my emotions must be why these creatures are so loved. The oncologist called later in the afternoon to give the instructions that I am to have three additional days of Neupogen injections and another blood draw next Monday.

Yet, I feel better. I walk a good deal, and I have had energy to do the cooking, conduct the cooking lessons, and do some things around the house. Charles had his first experience with yeast bread dough in the making of a very credible pizza. I think we were both a bit surprised that the dough seemed to leap up onto his fingers in a sticky mess as soon as he began to handle it, but we will continue to practice until he masters the technique.

6 Comments

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Comment by Mary Hewitt Jones

April 6, 2006 @ 6:33 am

Connie, do not despair. Remember the instruction you surely had on “the nadir?” When the treatment has been at work for awhile the counts will be at their lowest. By my count in your treatment regimen you are in or approaching the nadir on the last round. And you are at 3 or 4 months which is expected to be the lowest of the low point. While this recent report is to be expected this is the counterintuitive part about treatment–deplete all the cells in all the lines (the red cells, the white cells and the platelets), to clear the way for healthy lines to replace the immature or deformed cells. It is crushing to know your pain and to be so helpless, except in spirit. I have been in Charles’ shoes and I am thinking of him as well.

Courage. The energy you feel cannot be “tested.” Take it and let the chemists worry about the counts.

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Comment by Janna

April 6, 2006 @ 7:32 am

Dear Mom,

Tears are God’s gift. I celebrate them today with you.

Love love love,
Janna

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Comment by heidi Ore

April 6, 2006 @ 8:28 am

Mom

I read with interest the concept of “nadir” and I had to go look this word up

nadir

n 1: an extreme state of adversity; the lowest point of anything [syn: low-water mark] 2: the point below the observer that is directly opposite the zenith on the imaginary sphere against which celestial bodies appear to be projected [ant: zenith]

I don’t remember any instruction on this concept but I like it today – hope springs eternal and so it is with our hopeful hearts

Have a beautiful day – I had to smile about alfie and the pizza dough – such simplicity and complexity

We are all at home with the flu today, I believe some of us have experienced the nadir and are returning to our zenith – saltines abound

Love Heidi

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Comment by Judith Hanzelin

April 6, 2006 @ 11:57 am

I am so grateful that you are able to acknowledge, move into and through and express your feelings(eloquently, at that). As a former oncology nurse, I have to say you are doing ALL the right things for your health and well-being. Continue to honor your body’s sense of strength and wellness instead of the numbers. One of the physicians that I worked closely with for many years was in the habit of saying, “we don’t treat NUMBERS, we treat people”.

I shared your comments about the prayer study with my Disciple Bible Study class this morning. We all appreciate your wisdom. Each one especially loved the “wind in a bucket”. One of our class members will be beginning chemo next Monday and he agrees with you about the “army” that intercessory prayer provides. You continue to be in our hearts and prayers. Yes, Hope does spring eternal after all. Our study this morning included Paul’s letter to the Phillipians. His letter of Joy to those new Christians. Your “blog” brings great joy to my heart even when it is sharing your deep pain. Perhaps because it is sharing your authentic self in such a selfless way. May you find much hope, joy and comfort this day! Surrounding you in God’s embracing love, judith

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Comment by mira wiegmann

April 7, 2006 @ 8:50 am

For some reason I felt impelled to read your blog today. I suppose that I knew yesterday was a blood draw day. It is so good that you had an encouraging word from an experienced person in the medical field (nadir – how appropriate). I’m just a friend who loves you and prays every night for you. That you feel stronger is a gift, not to be dismissed. I was amazed Sunday at the clip you set for our walk. I am reminded that we spoke of how healing includes reconcilation with those we love, those who love us and with God; and that healing is assured. I’m on for a walk again this Sunday at Sanctuary, I’ll call to see if you are, too.
Easter greetings a litle early,
Mira

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Comment by Mindy Werling

April 7, 2006 @ 3:28 pm

Dear Connie,

I am so glad that you are feeling well and have some normalcy in your daily life. That is a blessing! Continue with your honest expression of your feelings, focusing on the positive and the “here and now”. Because of my own canine friend and companion, Darby, I am intrigued by your comments regarding Alfie. My nutritionist here in Kansas City recently sent me an email about the loss of his dog. Here is what he had to say, “Cyrano passed away quite suddenly, two years ago this June. A day does not go by that I don’t think of him and grieve his loss. He taught me more about “living in the moment” than any other author or teacher, and I still struggle to live that way as well as he did so effortlessly.” I suspect that Alfie is teaching you to “live in the moment” as well!! What a lesson for all of us! By the way, my nutritionist has always said to “go by how you feel”.

Love and Peace in our Lord,
Mindy

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