April 12, 2006
Sadly, this spring season appears to be but a brief episode. Too soon, the daffodils droop under the intensely warm south winds and the summer scourge of ticks in the forest has already arrived. When I put the Frontline between the dog’s shoulder blades with its promise to ward off the nasty bugs an entire month at a time, I was momentarily tempted to place a few drops behind my ears as well. . . “How much worse than chemotherapy could that be?” was the question in my mind. All the warnings on the box about letting the stuff touch my own skin deterred me, but I do wonder a bit.
The reality of this disease and treatment can include mouth sores. What might have been a tiny white spot on the tongue in the ordinary mouth becomes an issue. So it began for me, but then it started to increase in size to the degree that it seemed appropriate to call the doctor. Whenever in life would one call the doctor for a sore on one’s tongue? “Come in, we must get a culture” was the reply, and so off to the oncologist’s office. Sympathy and a fierce mouthwash were given, the culture was sent away, and we returned home where I dutifully rinsed and swished the stuff about. It turned my tongue an incredible shade of blue, and I found Charles so I could show it to him. His eyebrows went straight up and he said, “Good grief, you have the tongue of a Chow-chow!” I said, “I do, don’t I. . . it is likely that I will soon have the characteristics of a Chow-chow as well.” (These dogs have a reputation for being fierce and unfriendly and prone to bite.) Then I read the small print of possible side effects, and the sentence which was most alarming stated that one could loose one’s sense of taste – permanently. Once again a time to consider the options; do I want to go forward taking a chance on losing my sense of taste with a mouth that is comfortable, or do I want to preserve my enjoyment of food in spite of a mouth that is unhappy?
The oncologist also decided that I needed to continue the daily Neupogen shots so on my morning trek to the clinic here in Seward, I asked the nurse on duty about mouth sores. She said, “Rinse with salt water, lots of times, it works as well as anything.” I have found that the nurses have practical advise that they willingly share if asked, and I went on, “Do you see lots of these sorts of things?” She replied, “Yes. . . you have just the one in your mouth, sometimes people have many, and just last week, someone decided to stop chemotherapy because the quality of life was reaching a point where it wasn’t worth it anymore.” I thought about that all the way home, but then the day’s walk presented a perfectly beautiful blue sky supporting a perfectly shaped cloud hanging just so over the tops of the Austrian pines that lined the edge of the forest. We stopped for a moment to admire and remember the sight of it. Each day holds many such encounters with lovely aspects of life so always there is enjoyment and that in turn engenders hope for the future.