June 24, 2008
My first correspondence with Sheila began at the end of August, 2007, when she wrote to me because she had run across this blog as she searched the Internet for information about her diagnosis of MDS:RAEB-2 (Myelodysplastic Syndrome – Refractory Anemia with Excessive Blasts II (11-19% blasts)). It was identical to mine, and like my family, all that she could find about it was very discouraging, so when she read about my life since becoming ill, she found the narrative to be the most hopeful of any she had seen. We began to E-mail one another, comparing side effects of Chemotherapy, and finding ourselves in parallel lives. But then, we began to diverge. Her platelets became non-existent, and the Vidaza did nothing for her except to seemingly increase her blood difficulties. Sheila began transfusions of platelets and in her E-mails she spoke of enjoying greatly those times after getting blood when she had more energy and could do some housework, or get her hair done, or even shop occasionally.
Meanwhile, after the 14th round of Vidaza, it was not working for me anymore, and the repeated injections of Neupogin did nothing to bring my white blood count back up as they had in the past. We determined to stop all therapy at that point. It was early November, and we visited with the oncologist about what might lie ahead. We asked him to be honest, and he painted a grim picture of blood counts going down to where only blood transfusions would sustain me, with the time between blood transfusions getting ever shorter until they no longer did anything, and then death would follow. The time frame of this was unknown. Both Sheila and I continued on into the New Year, with my blood holding – always low but not critical, and without any therapy at all. Nothing seemed to work for Sheila, and by February, she reported that she needed bags of red blood as well as platelets in order to function. By then, she had endured a great deal of misery, and determined to forego any more chemotherapy because everything left her worse off than before. I watched her life flow away as she followed the script which my oncologist had given for me as a likely future outcome. Sheila turned 63 in the first week of June; she’d been in the hospital for two weeks and her doctors sent her home after giving her a final two bags of red blood and a bag of platelets. At the end of that week, I received an E-mail from her that concluded, “Hospice is just pulling into the driveway so I will email again soon. Thinking of you, Sheila”. Those were the last words I heard from her – she died on June 10th and I miss her very much.
Sheila E. Osborne (1945 – 2008)
This afternoon I met with the oncologist and we visited about past, present and future; the news was good! He said that when he looked at my blood numbers in November, after the Vidaza was no longer effective, the trajectory was going downward and he based his not so promising comments on that evidence. But since that time, the blood has stabilized and continues to hold. We don’t know how long this will go on, nor does he. He said that I always try to get him to make statements about the future when he really has no clue – so we rejoice in the blessings of the present day, and in the promise of days to come. Always, life returns me to God’s embrace; and from there I can go forward in peace and joyful optimism and the prayer continues. . .”Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting us; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen