March 9, 2009
I think perhaps the blood transfusion that I got on Saturday was from a youthful chocoholic, because as soon as I recovered from all the Ativan I got to control the Benadryl spastic reactions, I found myself in the kitchen making some brownies. (The recipe is below – I made it up and these are really very good.) As we learned at the first transfusion, I have a strong reaction to a large dose of Benadryl, so the oncologist determined that rather than taking a chance on having an allergic reaction to the blood, I would be given the sedative Ativan up front. When the first two applications didn’t stop the limb spasms, the nurses gave me yet another, saying that I would likely become a zombie. It was the last thing I actually remembered of the day. Charles assured me that I did resemble vegetable matter and it took a while for me to sleep it off.
Now I am nearly human again, with a wide spectrum of emotions that center in a deep sorrow that I cannot feel this way without the use of another person’s blood. How strange is that? When one gets a red blood transfusion, each unit is packed with the red cells, and the white cells and platelets will have been removed to be used separately. White cells apparently are rarely transfused because they don’t last very long, and also can cause fevers and other complications.
Our skies have been blessed by the V shaped chains of thousands of waterfowl flying over in almost endless succession throughout the last several days. Viewing all this movement through the skies, I am relieved that we are not plagued by a compulsion to migrate too. . . just imagining Charles arising one morning, setting his face into the wind and announcing that we must pack up because it is time to return to our place of origin once more keeps me grateful for some things that do not happen.
As for the rest, I pray a lot and reflect on the spirit within that insists upon clinging to earthly life in spite of gathering signs of lessening resources. We live each day trusting that whatever strength we need shall be given to us. Our entire lives have been filled with God’s blessings and care and this knowledge gives us comfort and peace as we move into the future. I’ll conclude with Charles’ favorite sign off: “Onward and Upward!”
CHOCOLATE BROWNIES Oven: 350 degrees
4 squares unsweetened chocolate
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
1 3/4 c. sugar
3 eggs
2 t. vanilla
1 t. almond extract
1 cup almond flour
1 1/2 cups flour
1 t. salt
1 t. baking powder
3/4 cup sliced almonds
1/ 2 cup dark chocolate chips
scant teaspoon sea salt
Microwave chocolate and butter for two minutes or until butter is melted. Stir until chocolate is completely melted. Add the sugar, mix well, blend in eggs, vanilla and almond extract. Add the almond flour, sift together the other flour, salt and baking powder and add it. Stir in the almonds and cho chips. Put parchment paper on a small baking sheet or on a 9 by 12 baking dish. Spread the dough out, smooth it across the top, and sprinkle on the sea salt. Bake for 14-18 minutes. Do not over bake, should remain moist and chewy. Upon removing from the oven, cool, remove from the cookie sheet, and cut into squares.