September 2, 2006
Just one more day of injections! I am always taken aback by how difficult the whole exercise becomes as each day advances. I started the week feeling reasonably well, and every morning I have felt worse due to the chemical wash directed toward the bone marrow. By yesterday evening I called daughter Heidi so I could whimper and whine. “Tell me why I am doing this since my blood counts were normal!” I said, and she kindly replied that I should remember that I am in control of the choice to go through the seven days or not, though her understanding was that without this treatment, the blood cells would be inclined to throw out the useless blasts once again, and therein lay the path to terminal illness. Of course she was right, and of course I knew it well, but it helped to hear her say it. Remission has meant feeling well and forgetting about the enemy within; this brings everything back again. It is as though I must pay a periodic toll to traverse the path into the future. The discipline required to do this means I must remember the lovely days of the recent summer past as well as how beautiful autumn can and will be if my body is once again “normal”. And yes, I am grateful to experience the wonder of remission and I am thankful that there is more to come.