December 10, 2006
The first anniversary of my illness arrives next Saturday, December 16, and in the quickly passing days of this month, I have thought about the occasions when a group of us might consider “If you had just one year to live, what would you do?” Then, of course, there was no reason to think that such musings would have an application in real time. I do know now that I would go on as I had before without using the days for far-flung travel or last ditch efforts toward noble acts that would make my name a household word. Seeing a possibly limited future has changed my inner landscape far more than my exterior life style. Among the many “firsts’ has been a comprehension of the reality of “the communion of saints”, a term I have used all my life, but only now have come to understand. This far flung web of humanity that takes the time to care and pray for me has changed my world view and likely supported the advent of this time of remission.
A year is a very short time! A season of change seems to be just a heartbeat; and the contemplation of end times brings an urgency to life on the daily basis. Never before have I seen such beauty in moon and sun with their celestial movements altering light and shadow from moment to moment. The fauna and flora in these pastures and woods are intricate and wonderful, ever adjusting to the present circumstances. The birds come and go, sharing song and color and motion in the trees and skies outside our windows.
Gratitude to God permeates everything. I regard husband, children, house, home, grandchildren, community, friends, and yes, even the dog, as gifts for me, and these are so very fine – perfectly crafted for my wellbeing and happiness. There is physical pain and times of mental unease, but always, the good things provide a counterweight that restores balance and peace of mind. Today’s reality is a blood count that is less than desirable, and going down a bit each week, but there is energy enough for the Christmas preparations and anticipation of great holiday festivities.
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