May 20, 2006
At some level, I thought that by now I would be walking onward surrounded by star bursts and rainbows with perhaps a little shimmer in my underwear. Alas. I am already launched into the fifth round of chemotherapy with its ever creative side effects, as well as a cranking up of the Coumadin intake for the possible blood clotting. This medication also presents side effects so the interior landscape is becoming ever more a mystery. Fortunately I do not have exterior manifestations like a Frankenstein creation. The lovely postitive change is in the mind – every so often in the day, “I’m in remission!” comes through, and I find myself grinning and singing out thanks all over again. Instead of feeling only the weight of the chemical war within, now there is a feeling that progress is being made, and a sense that there will be a calm and happy time coming very soon. I have just five more days of Vidaza injections for this round, then in a month, seven more, then a wonderful time of respite.
This morning it is overcast; the orioles that sing with such delight on the sunny mornings were silent in the forest as Alphie and I came past on our first walk of the day. We have two Korean lilac standards that decided to bloom long after the other lilacs made their statement, so the entire front yard is heavily scented and delightful. If the temperatures continue into the high 80’s and low 90’s, they will depart sooner rather than later, but for this moment, there is joy and celebration out there. It is a good day!